10.20.13
i've thought more about my lack of sexuality as i felt that even though i provided my feelings fairly clearly it may still be hard to understand. the first part of this post will go into a bit more detail. skim to a paragraph that is unrelated if you're not interested
i've already been told that i 'must have not met the right person yet.' i assure you that that is not the case. its not based purely upon the history of bad experiences nor were those poor experiences directly related to the skill of the people involved. i've heard that maybe i need to find someone i'm in love with first because then it will mean something real. while i can't tell you whether or not that could be true i certainly don't have to concern myself with that possibility until the situation arises. that is being in love
when i say that i am still attracted to people i suppose i mean less 'sexually' and more 'aesthetically.' the difference being that when i see someone i find attractive i don't think that they'd be a good partner for sex due to their looks. i simply appreciate their beauty the same way anyone else might but the thought of having sex with them doesn't cross my mind unless its planted there by someone else and even then it doesn't sound appealing
also apparently its asexuality awareness week. fucking fantastic now i feel obligated to say something to people on social media or something and that sounds uncomfortable. i'm not really sure what the repurcussions of saying something like that are and i feel hesitant to even attempt to draft something to say about it. even if i didn't identify myself as asexual but posted about it people would be bound to ask if i were and if that was why i'm posting about it. well yesterday was my 20th birthday maybe it'll be more socially acceptable because of that somehow i don't know leave me alone shit
yeah yesterday was my birthday i don't know what to say about it it was uneventful nothing really happened. i went out for coffee like i always do. my mom and stepdad bought me luggage for my next trip out to wherever whenever the red cross calls me again as my gift. practical gifts are nice i guess
someone wrote a cracked article about some of the sites i like. i sort of wanted to do that so i wasn't exactly excited but hey as long as it got written hell i wasn't gonna do it i guess. also it's a pretty short list so maybe i still have a chance at writing it
i started speaking to a neat chick from canada (which as you may know is not geographically near where i reside. i mean relatively to other continents but i wouldn't call something like 2000 miles close) so that's cool except for the fact that despite how little it seems to me that i'm doing with this whole birthday thing i still have too little time to have said anything of interest to her. i'm not really self-conscious about it but i feel like a jerk for putting her off sorta i guess
happy birthday you still don't have all your rights even though you're considered an adult under every law you can be charged with breaking
now go figure out if you're dumb enough to talk about your sex life on facebook